I just want her back. I want my life back. Each Thursday from 12:30-1:30, I spend an hour with her. On Thursday at 1:30, when the visit is over, the week-long countdown starts over. Over and over again.
“I know this is hard now, but you will get her back soon and you will have years of time to spend with her.” I hear this way too often. It bothers me. But I do not expect people to understand unless they have been through this.
I know I will get her back. Soon? Well that depends on your definition of soon. It is not soon enough. I will never get this time back. She celebrated her third birthday, Christmas, the new year, Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, and soon she will celebrate Easter, and I am not there to celebrate with her. There is nothing to celebrate without her.
Three is such a fun age. She is developing her personality even more. She is learning so much. She is potty-trained. She talks back in complete sentences now. She forms opinions. And I am missing it.
Every Thursday I see how much she can change in one week. For that one hour a week, I feel alive again. I am always thinking of her. I do not think I have gone a full day without crying for her. I miss her more than I can begin to describe. And the more time that passes, the more she grows and develops, every time we say goodbye, it gets harder every minute.
This is a nightmare that I only escape every Thursday from 12:30-1:30.
fullofhate 
Sorry you’re having such a rough time, I can’t imagine. Any indication at all of how long this will last?
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At the minimum, until July. In July, there is a 6-month review hearing. For kids removed from their parents while under the age of 3, it is mandatory for the court to decide, within 6 months of the child’s removal, if the parents can continue services and ultimately be reunified with the child, or if parental rights will be terminated. So basically, I have until July to do the services they ordered me to do and to show that I am learning whatever the fuck it is they want me to learn in order to have a chance at reunifying with her.
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It must seem like a lifetime away, but keep at it. Never easy being under foot, I’m sure you’ve done well under the stress. Keep going.
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thank you for the encouragement, I sincerely appreciate it.
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First off I’m glad to see that you are writing again, I was beginning to worry about you. And I also must give props where due, because you are doing everything you are supposed to be, jumping through all their hoops. I know how you feeling about the one hour thing, I only get one hour a week with her too. But what’s even worse is that its always exactly one hour no more no less, its like its been so de-personalized and dictated. But what I really wanted to say is, good job! And your doing great so keep your head up and she will be back with you soon
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Thank you. Yeah, exactly one hour and its over. It is the worst feeling.
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