Three years ago I found a healthy way to cope with life. I need my daughter as much as she needs me, if not more. I have been pouring every part of me into this little girl for the last three years. Life was such a struggle and I had no idea how to navigate it before she came along. She gave me a good reason to try to survive. She is everything.
I am lost without her. I have literally just been sitting on the couch, staring at nothing in particular, confused. I don’t know what to do anymore. I took a leave of absence from school so that I wouldn’t fail any classes. I just cannot fucking figure out what I am supposed to be doing. Everything I did, EVERYTHING I did, was for her. I would eat because she needed to eat. I earned As in my classes because she needed a brighter future. I washed dishes because she needed to eat off of clean dishes. I cleaned the house so she had more space to play, and to play safely. I cared about my well-being because I had a child to care for. I would smile because she smiled, or because it would make her smile.
I’m not allowed to feel like this though, because it would make me an unfit parent. An unfit parent because my kid is the center of my universe. My motivation to do something with my life was born the day my daughter was born, but that makes me an unfit parent. I’ve spent the last three years focusing on raising my kid, but I can’t show that my world has been turned upside down since they took her because that would make me an unfit parent.
They have basically stripped me of my parental rights already. I don’t have a say in anything that happens to her. And its going to take a trial for me to even get the possibility of a chance to have a say in what happens to her ever again.
Fuck the system.
fullofhate 